instinctive desires

only rainbows after rain….

ever since the transmission in my car gave out it seems nothing has gone my way…. i know things will look up and change for the better again because you can’t have all good days but it’s really depressing when things you want to work out don’t…. i was supposed to go to a paramore concert tomorrow that i was extremely excited about but because my car broke down i had no way of getting to Massachusetts without renting a car, taking a train or a bus.. so this morning i put in a reservation to rent a car thinking i had finally found the solution to be able to go, and then my friend who was supposed to go with me had something come up so she couldn’t go.. so i’m no longer going to the concert :( and then on top of all of the worrying to get to the concert for the past few weeks i went car shopping yesterday tested a few i really liked and decided i would try my luck at getting a loan… i already had enough to pay half down on this car i wanted but of course i got declined the loan. i know it’s not the end of the world but it is so frustrating that when you work so hard to try to be independent and mature  that you can’t even successfully provide for yourself.. if i could get a co signer i would be all set, but that is not an easy task either… so this week has been a big disappointment so far… i’m hoping that once i get to florida on saturday that it will begin a better chapter.

i’m also having thoughts about this whole being single thing.. and it sucks. it seems like when i start to show interest in a guy it’s not good enough, or they are shy or something… i just want a supportive man in my life that will treat me right. i’m getting a bit discouraged i’ve only been on one actual date in my entire life, my two past boyfriends never even took me on a first date.. but this past date i just went on was so nice.. he picked me up in his truck, bought me dinner, and even opened the door for me. he was such a gentleman and so easy to talk to… if only i knew his real interest in me… sigh i hate this not knowing business….